The Greatest Invention by Man

This is quite a debatable question, since we have done and achieved so freaking much! Let’s take a bow, shall we? Throw this question at random people across the globe across different age groups; different demography and the answers will surely surprise you!

Many people would claim a car or any form of transport, or maybe a computer as the greatest invention, as it has helped mankind in many ways. It surely has. Fair enough. Some extra smart nerds would go one step deeper and further and say electricity since you need electricity now to get every damn thing up and running! Very smart. Ask a handful of goofs and they would answer ‘i-phone’ or ‘PlayStation 3’! (Seriously, PlayStation 3? Greatest invention, EVER?) Let’s not get to the girls. Everything ranging from their make-up box to Facebook to a camera (Yes, camera, just imagine, what would they do without it?) I even see a slight possibility of ‘Gossip Girl’ or ‘Twlight’ slowly creeping into that list. Girls!

Now some infuriated girls would ask me, ‘Okay smartie, what is the greatest man-made discovery according to you?’

Spotlight’s on me now, fantastic! Okay before proceeding, let me say that I am a thinker, I see what many don’t, and my opinions are different, very different! Do not be shocked and pounce on me. Hear me out first. Having said that, for me the greatest invention is the mosquito killing racquet. Hear me out! I can convince you. I have a story, and I actually gave the racquet the top-spot.

Inventions are defined as ‘a new device, method, or process developed for the good of mankind’. It surely is a new device, and has done me tons of good! Hence it qualifies as an invention. A top invention! Point proved.

There was a moment where I actually felt love towards that machine, like when in archaic Bollywood flicks, the hero, the saviour (the mosquito racquet) comes and kills the villain, (well in my case, villains, too freaking many of them - mosquitoes!), and a happy ending (a good night’s sleep). Think about it.

It was a night when I wanted to sleep like a baby, literally, like for 15-16 hours, and no one could stop me. Not my parents, who were chilling in Kerala. Not my brother, who was at a friend’s place for a stayover. And most importantly, not my house-keeper, who every morning wakes me up with her favourite dialogue – ‘Bhaiyaa utho (Please get up), bistar (bed sheet) badalna (change) hai!’ I bet she loves ruining my sleep every single morning at 7.30 AM. She too was on a leave, and I was on cloud nine! I was determined to make the most of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Considering how big a sleepy head I am, I was poised to take this chance with both hands. I purposely avoided an afternoon nap, as I had one of the best nights ahead of me.

I slept at 2 AM, hoping to have a good undisturbed sleep, and get up next day, straight for evening snacks. I had not realized, and the only thing that was my undoing, was that I had left the living room windows open on a chilly night - Invitation for the mosquito fraternity to have a picnic at my place. How stupid could I be? Not my parents, not my brother, not even my house-keeper, but those hundred little rascals would disturb my sleep, they would party in their victory of ruining my night, and celebrate it with a glass of freshly sucked out blood from my body. Cheers, they would say! The villains in cruise control in my story till now.

They did wake me up collectively. At 4 AM. I lay on the bed, hearing a small ‘bzzzz’ near my ear, and then it fainted away in the darkness. I could feel a small pain of something nibbling on my feet. Yes, it was that small sonofabitch, drinking his victory drink. And then another one relaxing and stretching his legs. The mosquito was in a state of tranquillity, as though he is holidaying in Vegas. He lay lazily on a patch of soft land, which happened to be my cheek.

I got up agitatedly, swearing each and every one of them. (As if they would listen!) The villains had done their deed. They had troubled the innocent. They had ruined my night. It was time to stand up against evil. Time to fight for your right – right to sleep. Time to get justice. Time to get even. In simple words, it was time to kick some ass.

The way Popeye removes his spinach can, the way Harry Potter removes his sword of Gryffindor, very similarly I removed my mosquito racquet. I felt like a hero, killing the villains one by one.

I wore my glasses to have a clear vision of my targets. My senses were heightened.. Eyes were crisp, scanning for any sort of movement.. Skin detecting any delicate touches.. Ears were sharp, waiting for a small ‘bzzzz’ somewhere in close proximity.

ALL The mosquitoes went into hiding. Scapegoats! I was determined to find and finish each and every one of them. I went to every nook and corner, I climbed the cupboard, I crawled under the bed, I moved heavy pieces of furniture, but I killed those rascals. Each and every one of them. My score for the night – 17 villains down. Now the villains had lost, as it always happens in a movie. I felt the sweet feeling of revenge. Though killing them was a very sadist thing to do, but c’mon, who feels bad for the bad guys, right?

Feeling like a hero and a champion, I kissed the handle of the greatest invention by man, and retired to my bed, and got up straight for evening snacks the next day.